Day 1: Lose him!
There are a number of young girls and women in unhealthy relationships. I used to be one of them.. I know some women will read this and think, “of course my relationship is healthy“. But I ask that you consider this- if you cry more often than you smile, if you’re still trying to prove your worth, if you don’t know if you’re loved, if you can’t remember the last time he made you feel like he used to make you feel, if you do more explaining than enjoying, if you’re feeling broken down rather than lifted up, if you’re being hit, smacked, pushed, kicked, pinched, choked, stalked, kidnapped, if you’re allowing yourself to be treated like anything other than a Queen- your relationship is not a healthy one. .
We give a number of reasons as to why we don’t, can’t, and won’t leave
We love him. What we really are saying is that we don’t love ourselves enough to walk away.We need him. What we are really saying is we don’t know where our help truly comes from.We want him. What we are really saying is we want him to act right, but he doesn’t, but we are still going to stay.
But I’m here to tell you it’s possible. I’ve seen it done. I’ve done it. And today I encourage you to do the same. If you want to lose a guy, simply lose him, and lose him quick, or you risk losing yourself! You don’t need a 10 day plan. You don’t need a reason. All you need is to make up in your mind & heart that you’re done, you’ve had enough, and follow through with LEAVING! It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t understand why you’re leaving, it doesn’t matter if he wants you to stay. If you deem the relationship unhealthy or unfruitful for you, you leave.When your mind is made up and your heart is fixed, you stop the excuses (which are tools of the incompetent). Once you stop making excuses, you start taking the initiative to lead a more healthy life.
I’m going to share with you a story about a young lady that I love, for the sake of a clear conscious and subtle suspicion, we’ll call her Eve.
Eve is a 17 year old student of mine whom I love dearly. She’d be a freshman in college now. I met Eve when she was in the 6th grade. Eve comes from an abusive family and has been in foster care since she was 10 years old. When I met Eve I was immediately drawn to her and her to me. We’d talk for a while, I’d encourage and mentor her and she had my cell phone number (all of my students do). Eve would call non-stop, though I asked her to typically text and call in cases of emergency. She argued “it was always an emergency”. I don’t disagree with her anymore.
Upon entering high school Eve came to live with me. Tired of being bounced around foster homes and hoping for some stability as she entered one of the hardest transitions of American life, she moved in with me. It was like having a baby, BABY, sister. I enjoyed it though. Eve took well to my son and helped out around the house. I knew she had a few minimal issues, but I figured love, attention and a consistent example could weather the storm. Things went well between us for a few years. She stayed with me until her junior year, in which she returned to her biological mother’s care. We kept in touch, but more and more I didn’t hear from Eve and she stopped returning my calls.
She came by my house one summer night, hair standing about her head, shirt torn and a bloody nose. I was in shock, not only to see her, but to see her like this! I immediately begin to cry, let her in and started asking questions immediately. I will never forget the look on her face. Not broken, unafraid, and calm. Finally she uttered, “I’m alright Miss M, calm down!” I sat quietly, hoping she’d say something. I cleaned her nose and checked her person for additional bruises, she had many. That night we talked until 6am the following day. Eve told me she had been dating this older guy and he took her cell phone from her during a fight. She said she stayed because he apologized and bought her a new one (which he later took and broke). She said she had been trying to reach me, but her mother didn’t remember my phone number and is back in jail. I told Eve she could’ve come stayed with me and she shook her head in agreement, “Yeah Miss M, I know”. She told me how things are progressively getting worse, but she loves him and doesn’t want to leave because he needs her. I didn’t fight with Eve, I just asked her to consider loving herself more and coming back to stay with me so that she’d be safe. I asked her to leave him and she repeatedly told me she will not. Eve stayed with me a couple days and then she left, while I was at a conference. . no good-bye, no number, just an address of where I could find her.
Months went by after seeing Eve and I hadn’t heard from her. I had gone by the house that she told me they were staying in several times, but she was never there, or at least that’s what the lady told me. I contacted her mother in jail and again when she was released, but she said she hadn’t heard from Eve either. I prayed for Eve and left notes around my house (she had a key) just in case she’d stop by while I was out. The next time I saw Eve she was on the news, smile still as bright as the first day I saw her in her 6th grade auditorium. . . but she was no longer alive. She’d been beaten to death by love, and she was not coming back.
Rest peacefully Queen, you’re missed!
I get emotional as I consider Eve’s story, but I tell it to help, I tell it to heal and I tell it to warn. Don’t be so eager to be loved by another, that you forget to love yourself. The wrong kind of love, kills.
Yours in Queendom,